The Last Six Months: A Review

Six months ago today I last posted a blog. And I feel so different to how I did then.

8A*s, 2As, 1 Distinction and 1B I got in my GCSEs. I want to hug GCSE me and tell her that everything will be ok. I also want to congratulate her for not burning her GCSE Maths textbook in celebration, as As-Level me refers to it a lot more than she probably should.

I miss school. I really do. I miss gathering every break time with the same people. I miss the teachers and the relative ease in difficulty of work. I miss being home by 3:30, contrasted with 5:30. I miss feeling comfortable. I do enjoy college, don't get me wrong, but not on the magnitude that I did school. It's getting better; the first month was awful. I didn't understand the work. I couldn't answer the questions. I couldn't cope with the pace of teaching (using the term very loosely). We'll see.

I've got a job. In McDonald's. As stressful and monotonous as it can be, I do enjoy it. I feel part of a small community, one of which you can only truly understand if you're in it. I love the jargon. When I come home and tell my mum about my shift I start babbling on about holds, lobby keys and trash walks. She calls me McMegan. I quite like it. I appreciate how my current job has pushed me to study Medicine; I could never consider a career in McDonald's.

I have been to parties and have been with boys. That is an education in itself.

I would rate my happiness right now as 7 out of 10. Good, but could do better. Time slowing down would help.

Do you really expect me to come up with a witty title for this post when my brain has been subjected to such intense revision? I'm sorry, but this will have to do.

*Emerges from the depths of revision*

It's coming. I can feel it. It's the quiet before the storm. Exams. Exams. Exaaaaaaaaams. GCSEs, that is. The easiest exams of any that I'll do in the future. They may be the easiest, but they are the most exams I'll ever have to sit at once. 12 exams. Spread just over one month. Ranging from 45 minutes to 2 hours long. Luckily they're all quite evenly spaced out. (EXCEPT FOR PHYSICS AND ENGLISH LIT ON THE SAME DAY WHO WAS THE IDIOT WHO SCHEDULED THAT!111!!!!1!! A friend of mine is re-sitting another of his Physics exams, so on 24th of May he will do his Physics 3 exam, followed by his Physics 2 exam and then in the afternoon he has English Lit. Another friend of mine has his birthday on that day. HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY JAMES LET'S GO OUT AND PART-oh.) Also, whoever said that they're getting easier ought to sit a Geography Problem Solving or English Literature paper. (I really don't want to rant. If you do want to read me letting off some steam have a look at my last post.)

It's 16 days until my first exam, which is French. The amount of times I look at the calendar during the day and have conversations with myself which go along the lines of  "Yeah, you'll be fine Meg. OMG WAIT WHAT IT'S MAY ALREADY. No it's not. Chill out. OMG WAIT I HAVE A WELSH EXAM! WHY DO I ALSO FORGET ABOUT THAT EXAM?!?! SORRY BIG BANG THEORY BUT I'M PUTTING S4C ON!!!! WAIT WHERE'S THE SUBTITLES BUTTON ON MY REMOTE?!?!?!?! NOW I'M GOING TO FAIL MY WELSH EXAM!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, BBC Bitesize."

My emotions are uncontrollable at the moment. Not to mention my health. I couldn't go on a Duke Of Edinburgh practice walk today because I'm ill. I can't afford to be ill. I need to be healthy. Therefore I need to go outside to replenish my brain with new oxygen. I need to go out with my friends. But I can't. Because that would mean losing vital hours of revision. So I have a new friend, who I like to catch up with during revision breaks. Everyone, meet my new BFFL - Tumblr. Until my exams are over, my time will only consist of revision, looking at pictures of One Direction on Tumblr and sleeping. It's unhealthy, but it's only for a short time as it's now less than two months until my summer begins. I have over two months off this year. HA. There will be plenty of time to breathe fresh air then and talk to people face-to-face and not just through a computer screen. That will be very nice.

On Friday, I am leaving school. It's my last official day in school. Then we break for study leave. I have five days left. That's it.  No more school. No more school uniform. No more teachers. I'm finding it hard to get my head around. CALM DOWN PEOPLE, I am going to college in September. But why can't my school just have a sixth form so I can stay for another two years? I love it there. Sad face. It's not all bad though. We'll be flooding the school hall with our tears and then will be back in school the next week for revision sessions. Lolz.




Just before I go, I think it's important that I should mention this. A teacher from my school passed away this week. She had been battling cancer. She was only in school a couple of weeks ago, with as strong a front as ever. In five years, I have never seen the school corridors so quiet as they have been since her death was announced. She was the best and will be missed by everyone.

RIP Miss Amanda Hodson. xxx

Why does it seem so close to exams yet so far until prom?

This is what I asked myself only today. School is just a total chore at the moment. I didn't really used to understand how people got so worked up about exams, but now I'm going through what they have been facing for years. It's Monday March 5th. The start of a new week. I know that by Friday afternoon I will just want to go to sleep and stay in bed all weekend. It will all be worth it in the end, won't it?

I'm currently studying towards my GCSEs. This time next year I'll be looking back at how I stressed I feel now and laughing. Not laughing because it's funny, laughing at how hard A Levels are compared to GCSEs. But I'm in now. Year 11. A couple of weeks away from facing the hardest exams of my life so far. And I feel awful.

So does everyone else, I assume. I'm so wrapped up in my own little bubble of fear at the moment that I haven't realised that the 200+ other pupils in my year are going through exactly the same terror. All adults have been through it and survived. So why shouldn't I? Because I want the best. I want to see as many A*s on my sheet of results as possible. I'm hoping to study Medicine and become a paediatrician, but that may only be possible if most of my GCSE results contain an asterisk. The majority of my results are predicted to be A*s though. That's only if I don't have a complete breakdown before my exams are over.

Adults like to think they're being sympathetic to us. But they're not. Back when they did GCSEs (or as they like to call them 'O Levels') it wasn't as expected of children to get the top grades. They say that exams are getting easier too. They're not. They should see the English Literature papers we have to sit! My parents lecture me every night about getting a job. I am busy enough at the moment with schoolwork thanks. But what about a summer job? I don't particularly want to spend my well deserved holiday inside, serving a customer who will look down at me because I'm young and apparently "think I know everything". I don't know whether they know or care about how much pressure is on us working to finish coursework, revise and generally juggling life. Adults complain about their jobs and kids, but weren't they optional? You could have trained to have a better job with more pay. You didn't have to have children. We have to fight through the summer of year 11. We have no choice.

I am an academic. I am in the top sets and have grades of As and A*s. The better I want to do in school the more time I have to put in. The more time I put in to one subject the less time I have to work in another. It's a vicious cycle. Some pupils in my year have done their Maths GCSE early so they have five lessons free a fortnight. Some Science results are being released on Thursday. If they pass that too then they'll have around sixteen hours free a fortnight. I will receive Science results on Thursday. The people who have done the exam early just want to pass. I don't. I want to get A*s. Even if I do better than those other pupils I won't get any benefits. I do not or will not have any free lessons. I am already working towards my next lot of Science exams which I will sit in May and will want to get A*s then.

I haven't started revising yet. It's March. My exams start in the middle of May. I don't want to spend every evening and weekend until my exams finish revising. To be honest, I don't think GCSEs are a mark of your intelligence. They're a mark of how much work you have done. For example, if you are a student who would usually get Cs and worked day and night at a certain subject, you could get an A or A*. If you literally though worked 24/7 with 100% effort. Using this same theory I know that I'm going to have to start revising soon and get into that focused state of mind which I despise being in.

I wouldn't be surprised if I do just sit down in a lesson soon and not be able to contain my tears. One of my friends was crying today at being asked whether she wanted to redo some of her English coursework. She had enough on her plate. She couldn't cope with anymore. It's all about sacrifices.

I've got two full months of summer this year. I've just got to think about that. All the time. Apart from when I'm trying to memorise quotes, case studies and formulae that is.



Project Perfect

I'm a real believer of empowering young girls with body confidence. I've started going to parties recently where the pressure of having good appearance is unreal. I don't know how much time and money people spend to make themselves look the best that they can be, only to go there and see girls wearing barely anything getting swarmed with boys. I've had enough of this so I dress much more casually to them now. It feels so much better having that weight lifted from your shoulders and going there just to have a good time with your friends.

Don't even get me started on our school prom. I haven't bought my dress yet. I'm not going with a boy. But I'm so happy about it. I tried on a dress, which I think I love, in John Lewis. It's plain and certainly not puffy, but it's elegant. And that's how I want to look. Understated.

I think I'm very lucky having body confidence even though I know my body is not "perfect". I just think that there's nothing I can do about it, so either I just get on with it or waste my whole life moaning about it.

Let Amy explain to you about her Project Perfect idea:
"I decided that rather than focusing on the negatives about ourselves, which we are ALL guilty of (including me!) then I thought that it would be nice to do a little blog post about what we DO like about ourselves. I think that young people never want to admit that they like something about themselves because other people would think they love themselves a bit.

SO... I want you to help me out and hopefully it might help you feel better about yourselves whether you have body issues or not. Anyone can do it and if you do decide to do it then I will post your link on a dedicated 'Project Perfect' page. If you do want to participate, this is what I would love you to do:

1. Post a photo that you like of yourself and say in a couple of sentences why you like it.

2. State some things that you DON'T like yourself but say why others may love to be like that.

3. State 3 things that you DO like about yourself."

 

Here is my Project Perfect post

 

 

This photo was taken of me just before we went into see One Direction, hence the manic ecstasy mildly contented expression. I like this photo because it shows me at one of my most happy times of my life and without having a care in the world. Also, my nose doesn't look too wonky in it.

 

Three things that I don't like about myself, but turned into positives:

 

1. My height. I think I'm about 5'8", which doesn't sound too tall, but at aged 16 where the majority of boys are still shorter and for someone who has a lot of smaller friends, I do feel a bit out of place. Although, some people may love to be like this as it attracts attention and, of course, you can see over a crowd into the eyes of Harry Styles.

2. My nose. I used to have a lovely nose. It was small, slim and just lush. But I broke it this time last year. I had it "fixed" under general anaesthetic but it's nothing like it used to be. It's a bit curved and looks so in photos. On the other hand, some people may say that this adds character to a face.

3. My thighs. I love my legs so I wear shorts a lot, but my thighs though are quite large so they don't make my legs look as perfect as I'd like them to. On the other hand, curvy girls are the way forward.

 

Three things that I like about myself:

 

1. My hair. It's long, thick and blond. I'm lucky that if all else fails I can still make my hair look nice.

2. The fact that I have no chin. It's a conversation starter. It's funny. And, if everything, including my hair, fails at least I can still make people laugh.

3. My hands. They are small and cute. I have quite nicely shaped nails too so I wear nail varnish as often as I can because I think that it 'makes' an outfit.

 

Please get involved with this. It's such a great idea. I feel so much better in myself after writing this post. It's as if it is like a diary where I can just write and write and write without the fear of being judged. By the way, you're all beautiful. xx